Words to the wise/ out of the hook

You know the name game? The song with the 'banana fana' ect? Never play it with the name Chuck. Or Mitch. Seriously- just try it. You'll see why.

at work
We are all smelling smoke from outside and wonder what could be burning. Annmarie goes out to investigate and is met at the door by a security guard who talks to her for a while, giving the situation. She returns.
Annmarie- Well there are two fires. I guess one of them is only a block or so down the street. The other one is a courier vehicle that flooded.
me- And then- caught on fire?
Annmarie- Uh no...it flooded.
Pauline- You just said there were two fires.
Annmarie- There are two fires. One is down the street and the other is farther down the street.
me- And the courier vehicle?
Annmarie- It's not a fire. It just flooded.
me- Oh.


Warren- Ralph is in hematology talking about World War One.
AJ- He's been there for like, half an hour
Warren- Well it was a long war.

Vg- We are missing a sample.
me- What's the name?
Vg- It came a half hour before you got here, so it's not you. You are out of the hook.


You know how people talk with their hands? Well we saw a girl walking down the street talking on a cell phone and gesturing with the other hand. Funny sight! (does she know the person on the other end cannot see her?)

Useless

warning: this post is f@*%ed up, do not read it

My friend Mary died. I say my friend Mary because she isn't really my aunt or great aunt although for convenience sake I have called her that. She is the sister of my great aunt, this great aunt was made so by marriage. Mary was not my aunt. Now she isn't anybody's aunt. She died and now she's dead. There wasn't anything I could do. There wasn't anything you could do. There was nothing anyone could do. In short we are all totally useless. And I am the most useless of all because I think there are things I can do. There are not. I can do nothing at all. I am useless.

WOW!

Last night there was this big ol' wind and rain storm and it knocked down a tree in our woods and the dirt and junk is all sticking up around the roots. It's pretty cool to see, if I had a clue about how to put up a picture of it I would. That's all for now.

Forever- it ought to be different

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was covered from head to foot in sharp knives. This made things in general a bit difficult for her but it was usually no problem. One day she met a small boy. He saw her and called out, "Would it be ok if I play with you and will you be my friend?"
"Of course it would be ok. I will be your friend and you can be mine," she replied.
So they played together for a while. Eventually the boy got too close to her and was hurt by the knives. He sat on the ground and began to cry. The girl came over and tried to console him but he complained loudly to her, "You're going to hurt me again! What's wrong with you?"
The little girl was puzzled and asked him, "Didn't you see the sharp knives?"
"Of course I did. I knew they were there. I'm not stupid."
"If you knew they were there, then why did you still choose to play with me?"
The boy protested, "You said it would be ok."
"It is ok," she said. "I have no problem with it, it's the way I am. I supposed you would have known that playing with me you might get hurt."
The boy stared at her a minute then, seeing she was serious, got up and ran away quickly. The girl shrugged her shoulders and began to play alone. Being unable to remove the knives, she remained this way and was sadly content the rest of her life.

More quotes from those who say stuff

I am sitting around the house eating tortellini that has not been cooked. (yeah I know, but I like it uncooked)
Dan- Let me see that box. The first ingredient is Salmonella!
me- No it's not.
Dan- Look for yourself.
me- Ingredients- Semolina...
Dan- And you think I make this stuff up.


another time
me- Here's what I did today- (handing him a sheet of things done to fix my car's air conditioner and written by the mechanic)
Dan- AC Blows!
me- What? (I read the lines: A/C blows warm, low refrigerant charge, so on)
Dan- See it does.
me- You know that reminds me, why are the words suck and blow not antonyms? Like 'Oh man that blows. I'll fix it! Thanks man, now it sucks.'


Around work
(phone rings at work for the umpteenth time)
Jeff- Christ!
me- I doubt it.


(I am reading from something I hold in my hands which is very clearly a book)
Ralph- Is that a book?
me-(pause) I'm sorry did you just ask me if this is a book?

later
Ralph- So good luck with your safe, and whatever you keep in it. Whether it be important documents, or secret papers...
me- Actually I keep my public papers in there.
Ralph- And your secret papers you keep just-
me- all over the countertop.