More quotes from those who say stuff

I am sitting around the house eating tortellini that has not been cooked. (yeah I know, but I like it uncooked)
Dan- Let me see that box. The first ingredient is Salmonella!
me- No it's not.
Dan- Look for yourself.
me- Ingredients- Semolina...
Dan- And you think I make this stuff up.


another time
me- Here's what I did today- (handing him a sheet of things done to fix my car's air conditioner and written by the mechanic)
Dan- AC Blows!
me- What? (I read the lines: A/C blows warm, low refrigerant charge, so on)
Dan- See it does.
me- You know that reminds me, why are the words suck and blow not antonyms? Like 'Oh man that blows. I'll fix it! Thanks man, now it sucks.'


Around work
(phone rings at work for the umpteenth time)
Jeff- Christ!
me- I doubt it.


(I am reading from something I hold in my hands which is very clearly a book)
Ralph- Is that a book?
me-(pause) I'm sorry did you just ask me if this is a book?

later
Ralph- So good luck with your safe, and whatever you keep in it. Whether it be important documents, or secret papers...
me- Actually I keep my public papers in there.
Ralph- And your secret papers you keep just-
me- all over the countertop.