Blackadder

My current favorite show is Blackadder II, followed by Blackadder III. Series one and four are just ok. It is a show starring Rowan Atkinson of Mr Bean as well as some very funny sidekicks including Hugh Laurie, who stars in the new show House. British 80's comedies these are, in six half hour episodes per series. Each one takes place in a different era in history under the pretence that a fellow named Edmund Blackadder lived once upon a time and schemed about greatness, though it always eludes him. Each series is a different Edmund whose predecessor was the previous Edmund, all are played by Rowan. Here are some quotes from series II which I have rented recently:

Poor old father telling his daughter Kate she needs to support him-
father: Our poverty has reached such extremes that I now have to look to my poor darling to sustain me in my frail dotage.
Kate: You mean?
father: Yes my dear. I want you to become a prostitute.
Kate: Father! I am young and clever. My nose is pretty! I shall think of a way to support us.
father: Oh please go on the game!
Kate: Never! I will go to London, disguise myself as a boy, and seek my fortune! (leaves)
father: (calling after her) Why walk all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying on your back?

Nursie telling a stupid story to Queen Elizabeth-
You almost were a boy my little cherry pit. Yeah, out you popped, out of your mummy's tumkin. And everyone shouted- It's a boy! It's a boy! And then someone said- But it hasn't got a winkle. And I said- A boy without a winkle? God be praised it's a miracle! A boy without a winkle! And then Sir Thomas Moore pointed out that a boy without a winkle is a girl. Everyone was really disappointed.

Blackadder addressing a creepy old lady-
Blackadder: Tell me young crone is this Putney?
Crone: That it be, that it be.
B: Yes it is not that it be. You don't have to talk in that stupid voice with me, I'm not a tourist. I seek information about a wise woman.
C: (gasp) The wise woman, THE WISE WOMAN
B: Yes the wise woman.
C: Two things, my lord, must ye know of the wise woman. First, she is a WOMAN!
And second, SHE IS . . .
B: Wise?
C: (straightens up drops the spooky accent) You do know her then?
B: No just a wild stab in the dark. Which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful.
(Crone proceeds to tell Blackadder where the wise woman is)
B: Thank you young crone. Here is a purse of monies- which I'm not going to give you.

Maybe you have to see them, but I think the quotes are rather funny. I'll bring more if more get stuck in my head.

added 4/20
Blackadder: Bob, this is Percy, a dimwit I don't seem to be able to shake off.

Queen: Hurry up Edmund, I want to get to the party so I can get scriffy and seduce someone.

Blackadder and Kate are about to marry
K: And now I want you to meet my father.
B: (to her father obviously thinking he's a nobody) Excuse me could you move along. (no response) Look I'm waiting for my father-in-law. Last thing I want is some dirty peasant blocking up the hallway.
father: I am your father in law!
B: Alright how much do you want to shove off?
K: Edmund!
father: About twenty pounds should do the trick.
K: Father! (father leaves) Edmund you musnt!
B: Oh don't worry I'll get Bauldrick to beat him up. We'll get the twenty pounds back.

Blackadder is met in a corridor by two strangers-
#1: Excuse me meister!
Blackadder: Yes what is it? (#2 stranger hits him on the head from behind)
Blackadder: I said what is it, not hit me hard- ooh! (he collapses as the strike affects him belatedly)

Lord Melchett and Blackadder are in a dungeon, both having been hit on the head and kidnapped-
Blackadder: What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it. Who's there?
Melchett: It is I, Lord Melchett.
B: You really ought to clean this place of yours up you know.

Blackadder needs to pay back a loan to the black monks on pain of death-
Blackadder: I'm up a certain creek without a certain instrument. Either I raise a thousand pounds by this evening, or I get murdered. What should I do?
Baldrick: It's obvious.
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: You'll have to get murdered. You'll never raise that sort of money.

Blackadder: I consider myself one of England's finest liars. (looks out the door) Oh, my god, Percy! A giant hummingbird is about to eat your hat and cloak!
Percy: Oh no! (runs out then returns after a moment) It seems to have gone now.

Blackadder appears before his puritanical aunt totally drunk-
Aunt: Explain why you are wearing a cardinal's hat, why you are grinning inanely, and why you have an ostrich feather sticking out of your britches!
Blackadder: I'm wearing a cardinal's hat because I'm Cardinal Chunder. I have an ostrich feather up my bottom because Mr Ostrich put it there to keep in the little pixies. And I'm grinning inanely because I think I've just about succeeded in conning you and your daft husband out of a whopping great inheritance!
(the funniest bit about this speech is how Percy, Blackadder's friend, begins mouthing the words from across the room as though this has happened before often enough to be a common explanation for his odd outfit.)