Depression2

Depression for non-depressed people
It may be hard for someone who has never felt depression to understand what it is about and why it is a big deal. I can only speak about what it has been to me, so don't imagine I am a textbook on the subject. Everyone is different after all. In my experience though, it can present itself as you being sad, or angry, or nervous, or overemotional both ways- too much happy and too much sad. I guess that sounds wierd, too much happy. But it's really not a joyful filling kind of happiness. More like a giddiness that makes you laugh but in some way is still artificial.

I think I want to stress how NOT in control you are over these feelings. Sure maybe you don't fight the silly hapiness, but the sadness and anxiety are overwhelming. People get the idea that mental things are in you therefore it is possible to just act and feel different on any given day. Shake it off, think of happier things, and don't worry- they say it like it's easy. And to people with normal sadness that doesn't crush the life out of them maybe it is easy. But someone depressed just can't get feeling better. Of course there are ways to get past a depression, but they are by no means simple as, 'ok just start feeling better!' I've known people who thought this way and it scares me. To tell a depressed person, "Get over it." is like the worst answer you could give. They are going to feel ashamed that they can't get over it and wonder what is wrong with them as a person, which only drives the depression on.

I think in many ways depression is harder for people to understand than say, a life threatening virus or cancer. Because really, they both threaten your life, and both are worthy of sympathy and care from people around you. But it's not like you can track the progress and treatment of a depression in the way you would a cancer. If you can't see a tumor or any incisions or scars on a person, it's hard to imagine they are sick. Also for me, my depression made me want to hide from everyone. I tried to hide how bad I felt so very few people knew about it. That comes with the culture we have today, in my opinion. Mental problems are seen as a serious stigma. And that needs to change.

I wish there was an easy way for those who know someone depressed to approach it in another person. Can you send get well cards for depression? Some people deal with it their entire lives. Can you visit someone in the hospital with depression? Well no, not unless they've tried to kill themselves. But using my cancer example, would you only visit a sick friend if the doctor called to say they are about to die? You would go in well before that, as soon as you heard they were sick. A person who is depressed is sick in the same way. You can't get in their mind and touch it, you can't give them radiation for it, you can't hold their hand as they go in for surgery.
You can try to 'be there for them', although I agree that's vague. You can call to see how they are doing. And you can schedule fun stuff to do with that person. For me, nothing anyone did was of any help at all. I will explain. That's not to discourage people who have someone that is depressed. Get them out of the house, do stuff, talk to them, find things they like. But they might still act very sad and mopey. Just as I did when people dragged me out to things. You are going to have to let them be that way. And that isn't easy. You may need a break sometimes, that is ok. For me the idea that people kept asking after me and trying to get me out doing was in itself enough to keep me out of the danger zone that makes depression life-threatening. Of course my words here are just my words. This is how it was for me and I suspect some others too, but maybe not all. I'll be writing further on this topic, so stay tuned.